PTSD in Trauma and ICU

Me and the Space Shuttle Pilot

WTF am I doing on the stage?

I promised myself that I wouldn’t, but as usual I defaulted to humour. Joking about me and Pam, the extraordinary space shuttle pilot who spoke before me.

It is a coping strategy.

The trauma and critical care audience understood the trick. Make people laugh and you do not have to let them see what lies underneath. Six years on, it is time to stop pitching my experiences of brain injury and rebirth as a comedy set and start framing it in a way that actually serves people.

Trauma Is Not a Normal Workplace

Trauma and ICU are not normal environments.

They bend people.

Patients.

Families.

Clinicians.

Everyone absorbs something from the blast radius, whether they admit it or not. Even those of us who escape the obvious concussive effects of repeated psychological violence carry something quieter and more corrosive.

As leaders, we must be prepared to act when our colleagues are brave enough to raise their hands.

I now live on the other side of the bed. I do not like it. But it has given me a perspective I never wanted and can no longer ignore.

I do not have stories of volcanoes or space flight. I can only stand up and admit weakness and fear.

When Humour Becomes a Shield

There is a risk of me becoming a novelty act.

The ex-clinician with the brain injury.

The dark mouth.

The black jokes.

The touching photos of a life now past.

That is not why I speak.

Given the cognitive toll this takes on my brain, the anxiety and the tears, I owe it to myself to refine my message and focus my language.

If humour gets me in the room, fine.

But once I am there, I have a responsibility to say something real.

PTSD in ICU and Trauma Medicine Is Common and Poorly Managed

The simple truth is this.

PTSD in our profession is common.

It is under recognised.

It is poorly managed.

We push through.

We hide it.

We pretend we are fine.

I did all of that.

None of it worked. This is not resilience. This is survival mode dressed up as strength.

There Is No Simple Fix for PTSD

I do not have a blueprint.

I am not offering a treatment plan.

The only thing I know with certainty is this.

The first step is admitting that something is wrong.

Not in a dramatic way.

Not in a career ending way.

Just in an honest one.

From Clinician to Patient

That is the talk I owe people.

And that is the one I will give next time.